Monday, October 26, 2009

There's Always Someone to Blame...

Tonight my fantasy league is having a huge debate trying to determine why team Jailbait, who otherwise is substantially knowledgeable in fantasy football, would start the season a meager 1-6 with no hope in sight. There are several theories. The first has to do with balance. This week Notre Dame broke its 6 week losing streak to Boston College and therefore it would only be fair if the Notre Dame grad, Jailbait, lost to the BC grad, Golden Rules. That explains Week 7, but what about the first 6 weeks? The overwhelming conclusion can be summed up in one word: MICHIGAN. The owner in question has been canoodling with a certain Michigan grad ever since the football season began and the implications have been severe. The football gods have spoken and Jailbait must be punished, with Week 7 being particularly painful for her. Not only did she have Leon Washington score zero points and end up on IR, but she also had Brian Westbrook score zero points and leave the game and Chris Cooley score just 4.25 points before he left the game. The following debate took place and while it may seem to have gotten off-track, it left us with a simple conclusion:

Golden Rules: Oh, I didn't know that Sharon was a Notre Dame grad. That explains everything! God let Notre Dame win on Saturday, so He let me win today.
Jailbait: ha. unbelievable. but why do i always have to lose??!!
Blonde Devils: ...I have one word for you: Michigan. Yes, everyone, that's right, Sharon is dating a Michigan grad!
Jailbait: but i taunt him...........a lot!!!
Black Widows: Eve may have taunted the devil, but it still got her naked in a field.
Blonde Devils: Is that a bad thing?
Black Widows: ...Adam and Eve disobeyed God = bad thing! Sharon, stop "taunting" the devil. Jailbait: f*ck me.......i met him at the end of August.......ohhhhhhh what have i done????!!!!!!!
Blonde Devils: ...but you said she ended up naked in a field, presumably with a hot guy (Adam) so I'm just wondering if that's such a bad thing?
Black Widows: Who said Adam was hot and yes it is a bad thing! I know you are aware of the story, but perhaps you don't understand it?! God mad at you= bad thing. And on Alexandra's behalf...ew.
Jailbait: oh lord, and i didn't know Golden Rules went to BC. Jesus. i'm taking an ambien and hoping it will make me forget this whole weekend.........
Black Widows: Going to bed. Sharon, say 21 Hail Marys and then go to bed.
Jailbait: I'm going to say at least 50 Hail Mary's, otherwise I'm afraid a bolt of lightning will strike the building across the street, bounce off, come in my window, and round the corner and hit me in bed. and it's not even storming out....
Conclusion: Michigan fans cannot be trusted...

Thursday, October 15, 2009

The Boycott Persists (aka Ode to a Salary Cap)

One of my favorite things to do during the summer when I was growing up was to lie on the sofa with the patio door open, listening to the radio broadcast of the Cleveland Indians games with my dad. To this day, listening to baseball on the radio is still one of my favorite things to do. It's just become slightly more complicated with the suspect radio reception in my apartment and a sliding door that opens to a balcony overlooking Broadway rather than a backyard. But once the playoffs begin, I begin my boycott. Why? I simply want a salary cap.

The 90's had some of the best baseball I've seen and the Indians were one of the hottest teams around. And they did it the right way--they grew their players through the farm system and developed them into major league ballplayers. Lofton, Ramirez, Thome, Vizquel, Alomar, Baerga, Mesa, Hersheiser, etc. all for the bargain price of $35 Million a year in 1995. The highest payroll that year was just a bit under $50 Million and the lowest just over $12 Million. That disparity is a far cry from what we've witnessed in baseball over the past 10 years. In 2001 team payrolls hit $100 Million for the first time and never looked back.

What's startling is how those teams with the top 10 highest payrolls differ from the rest of the league in terms of their ability to play in the post-season. While everyone acknowledges the elementary argument that the highest payroll does not guarantee a championship and that teams with small payrolls still make the playoffs, payroll has an impact nonetheless.

In order to understand this, let's take a look at this decade. If one considers all 30 teams and the likelihood of a team making one of the eight playoff spots in a given year, there is a 26.7% chance. However, if one takes into account payroll, the chances change dramatically depending on where your team falls in the hierarchy. In the past decade, if you were one of the fortunate fans who's team fell in the top 10 highest payrolls, then there was a 43% chance your team would make it to the post-season. Even better if your team had the highest payroll, in which case there was a 90% chance your team would make the playoffs. Too bad for the other 20 teams...just an 18.5% chance of making the playoffs for teams not in payroll's top 10.

So I boycott the postseason. It's unfair, uncompetitive, unsatisfying and un-fun...and will be until baseball gets a salary cap.