One More Month of the Decade from Hell...and change is already in the air...

Last night was so good that it almost made me forget the Browns, the Irish, the Blonde Devils (lost by one point to Jailbait) and my Pick 'Em team at ESPN (bragging rights took a huge hit this weekend). And watching the Saints absolutely abuse the Patriots on Monday Night Football was perhaps a signal that change is coming. It couldn't have come sooner. This decade, this terrible decade, has seemingly belonged to Boston and I'm just happy it's over for more than one reason. Boston is the least of my problems.

And then there's what happened after the game. In my bed innocently watching the post-game press conference and all of the sudden I'm struck by a startling and horrific image on my pink television. Tom Brady looks bad. Awful. This opinion is confirmed moments later when I received a text message from Jailbait (who watched the game no doubt to ensure that Marques Colston scored enough points for her to beat me by the aforementioned one point): "Totally bewildered by Tom Brady's hair." While we women do not discuss uniforms as we're often accused of, we will absolutely discuss hotness. And hair, as I learned last night, can play a big part in that measurement. What happened to him? Jailbait's theories included: 1) a retro-70's look, 2) covering up a receding hairline and 3) going granola. I believe, however, that this has everything to do with marrying Giselle. She clearly is taking her work home with her. That is, she's spent too many hours in the fashion world surrounded by gay men and now is confused as to what straight men should look like. This hairstyle must have come directly from a runway somewhere. And as a responsible football writer, I'm going to spend the remainder of the afternoon researching Prada, Gucci, Armani, etc. to determine WHERE exactly this hairstyle came from!

Rivalry Week--for my fantasy gals

Rivalry Week. It kicked off on 11/21 with Ohio State vs Michigan and continued through Saturday with the Iron Bowl (Alabama vs Auburn), The Egg Bowl (Ole Miss vs Mississippi State), Bedlam (Oklahoma State vs Oklahoma), the Backyard Brawl (Pittsburgh vs West Virginia), etc. and is capped off on Sunday with Cats vs Dogs, the Sibling Rivalry, the Ex-Roommate challenge, Domer vs Domer and the Rookie Showdown. Yes, I'm talking fantasy football and thanks solely to the scheduling gods, i.e., the computer generated schedule from Sportsline, our big rival games all coincidentally occurred during the same week and on the same weekend as college football's rivalry games. It's actually almost frightening how that worked out. And the games aren't over. Jailbait and I (the Notre Dame rivalry game) are actually in a barn burner and it will come down to how Marques Colston plays tomorrow night. Incidentally, Jailbait and I have been battling it out all season to avoid last place. While Sharon has the worst record, I have the last ranked scoring offense in the league. Meanwhile Purple Haze has a .75 lead over her former roommate Golden Rules, but she'll need Robert Meachem to basically not play to hold onto that lead and her number one ranking. The sibling rivalry game is very much up in the air right now despite Strawberry Shortcake's almost 40-point lead, given the fact that Black Widows still has Drew Brees, Pierre Thomas AND Randy Moss playing tomorrow night. The Red Dogs fittingly have dominated the Big Cats and there's no chance for redemption there. Finally, the rookie showdown between the Fighting Turtles and the H-Town Cagedancers is decidedly favoring the Turtles. And while neither of these teams are rookies this year, as the two newest members of the league (in their 2nd year) they will hold the rookie title until circumstances dictate otherwise. Stay tuned for the results...

http://www.ohio.com/sports/browns/70113032.html#

There's Always Someone to Blame...

Tonight my fantasy league is having a huge debate trying to determine why team Jailbait, who otherwise is substantially knowledgeable in fantasy football, would start the season a meager 1-6 with no hope in sight. There are several theories. The first has to do with balance. This week Notre Dame broke its 6 week losing streak to Boston College and therefore it would only be fair if the Notre Dame grad, Jailbait, lost to the BC grad, Golden Rules. That explains Week 7, but what about the first 6 weeks? The overwhelming conclusion can be summed up in one word: MICHIGAN. The owner in question has been canoodling with a certain Michigan grad ever since the football season began and the implications have been severe. The football gods have spoken and Jailbait must be punished, with Week 7 being particularly painful for her. Not only did she have Leon Washington score zero points and end up on IR, but she also had Brian Westbrook score zero points and leave the game and Chris Cooley score just 4.25 points before he left the game. The following debate took place and while it may seem to have gotten off-track, it left us with a simple conclusion:

Golden Rules: Oh, I didn't know that Sharon was a Notre Dame grad. That explains everything! God let Notre Dame win on Saturday, so He let me win today.
Jailbait: ha. unbelievable. but why do i always have to lose??!!
Blonde Devils: ...I have one word for you: Michigan. Yes, everyone, that's right, Sharon is dating a Michigan grad!
Jailbait: but i taunt him...........a lot!!!
Black Widows: Eve may have taunted the devil, but it still got her naked in a field.
Blonde Devils: Is that a bad thing?
Black Widows: ...Adam and Eve disobeyed God = bad thing! Sharon, stop "taunting" the devil. Jailbait: f*ck me.......i met him at the end of August.......ohhhhhhh what have i done????!!!!!!!
Blonde Devils: ...but you said she ended up naked in a field, presumably with a hot guy (Adam) so I'm just wondering if that's such a bad thing?
Black Widows: Who said Adam was hot and yes it is a bad thing! I know you are aware of the story, but perhaps you don't understand it?! God mad at you= bad thing. And on Alexandra's behalf...ew.
Jailbait: oh lord, and i didn't know Golden Rules went to BC. Jesus. i'm taking an ambien and hoping it will make me forget this whole weekend.........
Black Widows: Going to bed. Sharon, say 21 Hail Marys and then go to bed.
Jailbait: I'm going to say at least 50 Hail Mary's, otherwise I'm afraid a bolt of lightning will strike the building across the street, bounce off, come in my window, and round the corner and hit me in bed. and it's not even storming out....
Conclusion: Michigan fans cannot be trusted...

The Boycott Persists (aka Ode to a Salary Cap)

One of my favorite things to do during the summer when I was growing up was to lie on the sofa with the patio door open, listening to the radio broadcast of the Cleveland Indians games with my dad. To this day, listening to baseball on the radio is still one of my favorite things to do. It's just become slightly more complicated with the suspect radio reception in my apartment and a sliding door that opens to a balcony overlooking Broadway rather than a backyard. But once the playoffs begin, I begin my boycott. Why? I simply want a salary cap.

The 90's had some of the best baseball I've seen and the Indians were one of the hottest teams around. And they did it the right way--they grew their players through the farm system and developed them into major league ballplayers. Lofton, Ramirez, Thome, Vizquel, Alomar, Baerga, Mesa, Hersheiser, etc. all for the bargain price of $35 Million a year in 1995. The highest payroll that year was just a bit under $50 Million and the lowest just over $12 Million. That disparity is a far cry from what we've witnessed in baseball over the past 10 years. In 2001 team payrolls hit $100 Million for the first time and never looked back.

What's startling is how those teams with the top 10 highest payrolls differ from the rest of the league in terms of their ability to play in the post-season. While everyone acknowledges the elementary argument that the highest payroll does not guarantee a championship and that teams with small payrolls still make the playoffs, payroll has an impact nonetheless.

In order to understand this, let's take a look at this decade. If one considers all 30 teams and the likelihood of a team making one of the eight playoff spots in a given year, there is a 26.7% chance. However, if one takes into account payroll, the chances change dramatically depending on where your team falls in the hierarchy. In the past decade, if you were one of the fortunate fans who's team fell in the top 10 highest payrolls, then there was a 43% chance your team would make it to the post-season. Even better if your team had the highest payroll, in which case there was a 90% chance your team would make the playoffs. Too bad for the other 20 teams...just an 18.5% chance of making the playoffs for teams not in payroll's top 10.

So I boycott the postseason. It's unfair, uncompetitive, unsatisfying and un-fun...and will be until baseball gets a salary cap.

USC's First "Touchdown" Against the Buckeyes on Saturday Night

Please note the left knee visibly touching the ground at the 1 yard line along with the ball in the same location, OUT of the endzone...

MNF 9.14.09

The oddest moment of tonight's MNF game between Buffalo and New England was at the very end when Suzy Kolber stood next to Tom Brady attempting to interview him. He glanced to his left and distinctly decided NOT to speak to her. Then when he started walking away, she grabbed his arm and the following conversation ensued:

Suzy: After all the time...
Tom: I'm going in.
Suzy: After all the time...
Tom: I'm going in (he starts to jog)
Suzy: (jogging with him) What was it like to lead a dramatic comeback?
Tom: What did you say?
Suzy: After all the time away, what was it like to lead such a dramatic comeback?
Tom: I can't hear a word you're saying...it's that loud in here (he added to save face)...
Suzy: After all the time away what was it like to lead such a dramatic come-back?
Tom: (after realizing he can't shake her he finally stops jogging) well it's not how we drew it up, but I'll take the win. You know, we did a lot of things poorly but I'm glad we got the win.
Suzy: Congratulations...(she walks away, pushes her hair back and doesn't look pleased).

It was pretty amusing to watch. In other news, the best moment of the night was when the Patriots almost lost...and anytime Jon Gruden spoke...