There's Always Someone to Blame...

Tonight my fantasy league is having a huge debate trying to determine why team Jailbait, who otherwise is substantially knowledgeable in fantasy football, would start the season a meager 1-6 with no hope in sight. There are several theories. The first has to do with balance. This week Notre Dame broke its 6 week losing streak to Boston College and therefore it would only be fair if the Notre Dame grad, Jailbait, lost to the BC grad, Golden Rules. That explains Week 7, but what about the first 6 weeks? The overwhelming conclusion can be summed up in one word: MICHIGAN. The owner in question has been canoodling with a certain Michigan grad ever since the football season began and the implications have been severe. The football gods have spoken and Jailbait must be punished, with Week 7 being particularly painful for her. Not only did she have Leon Washington score zero points and end up on IR, but she also had Brian Westbrook score zero points and leave the game and Chris Cooley score just 4.25 points before he left the game. The following debate took place and while it may seem to have gotten off-track, it left us with a simple conclusion:

Golden Rules: Oh, I didn't know that Sharon was a Notre Dame grad. That explains everything! God let Notre Dame win on Saturday, so He let me win today.
Jailbait: ha. unbelievable. but why do i always have to lose??!!
Blonde Devils: ...I have one word for you: Michigan. Yes, everyone, that's right, Sharon is dating a Michigan grad!
Jailbait: but i taunt him...........a lot!!!
Black Widows: Eve may have taunted the devil, but it still got her naked in a field.
Blonde Devils: Is that a bad thing?
Black Widows: ...Adam and Eve disobeyed God = bad thing! Sharon, stop "taunting" the devil. Jailbait: f*ck me.......i met him at the end of August.......ohhhhhhh what have i done????!!!!!!!
Blonde Devils: ...but you said she ended up naked in a field, presumably with a hot guy (Adam) so I'm just wondering if that's such a bad thing?
Black Widows: Who said Adam was hot and yes it is a bad thing! I know you are aware of the story, but perhaps you don't understand it?! God mad at you= bad thing. And on Alexandra's behalf...ew.
Jailbait: oh lord, and i didn't know Golden Rules went to BC. Jesus. i'm taking an ambien and hoping it will make me forget this whole weekend.........
Black Widows: Going to bed. Sharon, say 21 Hail Marys and then go to bed.
Jailbait: I'm going to say at least 50 Hail Mary's, otherwise I'm afraid a bolt of lightning will strike the building across the street, bounce off, come in my window, and round the corner and hit me in bed. and it's not even storming out....
Conclusion: Michigan fans cannot be trusted...