Plaxico Burress: A Story of Inspiration

As odd as it seems, Plaxico Burress has inspired my fantasy football league. We already have a Moral Enforcer to punish those teams that own players who commit crimes. But now we have instated a new division of enforcement thanks in large part to the man who shot himself in his leg with his own gun. Let me introduce you all to our new Moron Enforcer, Christina. A prosecutor by day. Christina will be imposing fines against those who act like complete idiots. In this case, Plaxico's owner would be under double penalties. First, if convicted, he will be fined by our Moral Enforcer, Malia, for the act of carrying a concealed weapon. In addition, regardless of the outcome of the legal proceedings, he will also be fined by our Moron Enforcer for the act of shooting himself. Over the years, many football players have given us plenty of sources for creating new fantasy football rules. But this one is truly a gift.

Issues Governed by the Moron Enforcer:
1. Acts performed on oneself, that while not illegal, if done by said individual to another person would be considered a criminal act. Penalty $5.
2. Having unprotected sex which results in requests for child support payments when the paternity of the child is either uncertain or seriously in doubt. Penalty $1.
3. Getting hurt during a game due to an act of celebration. Penalty $1.
4. Missing one game or more due to an injury incurred outside of football that could be considered foolish. Please note that riding a motorcycle is a per se violation of this section four. Penalty $3.
5. Getting stabbed or shot by your girlfriend, aka "The William Green Rule." Penalty $7.
6. Ending up on Page Six of the New York Post. Penalty $1.
7. Beginning a touchdown celebration before scoring the touchdown and not scoring the touchdown as a result of such celebration, aka "The DeSean Jackson Rule." Penalty $2.